Thursday, August 17, 2017

Austin: The Fourth Trimester



First, an apology to Older Austin: I’m sorry I haven’t documented your life like I did Connor’s.  I promise it doesn’t mean I love you any less.  Life is just busier with two small children and I’m tired so I prioritize sleep over blogging (and pretty much everything else).  But I do plan to use this blog as a sort of scrapbook so I want to get something about you into my little corner of the internet.

All right, let’s catch up!

Austin was born at 6:11 a.m. on April 27th, one day before his due date.  I went into labor with him the day before and had contractions off and on for most of the day.  I happened to have a check-up already scheduled on the 26th and the doctor confirmed the contractions with monitoring so I knew Austin would be arriving soon.  That evening, I got the house in order while the McHusband and Connor took Monte on a walk and I tried to get some sleep, but the contractions were getting stronger so we opted to call Vanessa sooner rather than later, mostly so we wouldn’t have to rouse her and Karis from bed in the middle of the night.  Better to get them to the house where they could go to sleep for the night.  Karis goes to the same daycare as Connor so besides Connor knowing them, it worked out for Vanessa to drop both kids off in the morning.

Based on how quickly Connor arrived, we all thought Austin would be here in much the same manner, maybe even faster.  He had other plans though.  My progress was very slow, but I stuck with my plan to try for an unmedicated birth.  I changed my mind around 5 a.m. when I was about 7 cm dilated, had been up for 24 hours, and didn’t know if I could handle the pain for another few hours.  We ordered the epidural, got some IV fluids going, and I got out of bed.  Once I did that, my body switched into high gear and I was at 10 cm very quickly.  That was the worst pain of my life, dilating those last few centimeters.  No epidural for me!
  
The doctor joined us and I was very happy to be able to push.  Austin came out with the cord wrapped around his neck and I was instructed to stop pushing.  What?!  Any woman who’s been where I was knows that’s easier said than done.  Thankfully the doctor worked quickly to get the cord unwrapped and I could resume pushing.  He came out a little gray, but pinked up quickly and was on my chest in no time.  He weighed 7 lbs, 15 oz (just like Connor), was 20.5 inches long (a little shorter than Connor), and had dark hair (almost as much as Connor).  Unlike Connor, he came out ready to eat and latched on almost immediately.
In the blanket Grammie knitted for him
And just like that, my heart doubled in size.

We were released from the hospital Friday afternoon and the night that followed was terrible, definitely one of the worst in my life.  And that’s saying something considering I’d stayed up all night two nights prior with contractions and, you know, enduring a natural birth.  Austin wanted to eat all night long and when he wasn’t trying to eat (because there wasn’t really anything for him to ingest just yet), he wouldn’t sleep except on me, but it was really hard for me to sleep that way.  So I was already going into this night extremely sleep deprived and the way things were going didn’t help things.

I wish I could say it got much better from then on once my milk came in, but that’s not the case.  I mean, most nights were better, but remember the scale.  That first night was AWFUL so it didn’t take much for another night to be marginally better.  Most of my maternity leave I dreaded the nighttime.  Austin just wasn’t a good sleeper, I wasn’t a good napper when he occasionally was…  It doesn’t matter if you’re reading this four months after he was born or four years or 14 years – I’m probably still trying to catch up from all the sleep lost during that time.

Eventually Austin got good at sleeping at night.  He’s 16 weeks old now and goes to sleep between 6 and 6:30, gets a dream feed somewhere between 9:30 and 11 depending on when the McHusband is going to bed, and is waking up once a night to eat before going right back to sleep until somewhere between 6 and 7, but usually closer to 6:45.  Now if I could just get Connor to consistently sleep that late (or later!) on the weekends, I might stand a chance of making a dent in my sleep deficit.

Austin is growing like a weed, as he should be at this point.  We do a mix of formula and breastmilk although he seems to prefer the latter and straight from the source if he can get it.  Luckily, when he’s hungry, he’ll usually take whatever he can get however he can get it.  I wish that I had a better supply for him, but I just don’t think it’s in my biology to be a milk machine.  But I’m doing better this time than with Connor and I will keep it up as long as it’s worth it.
A blanket the McHusband used as a baby, sewn by HIS grandmother.
Okay, some general Austin info for us to look back at…
  •          Refuses to take a pacifier and has since that first awful night at home
  •          Likes baths, looking in mirrors, and being held (a lot!)
  •          Uses a sleep sack that keeps his arms contained up by the sides of his head with some ability to move them
  •          Tends to suck on his hands for comfort even through the sleep sack
  •          Loves to look at Connor, who I think is going to prove to be Austin's favorite form of entertainment
  •          Wears size 2 diapers (but not for much longer) and 3 to 6 month clothes
  •          Has pretty good head control and tolerates the Bumbo seat for short periods of time
    First bath!  I hardly remember that skinny little baby.
I went back to work when Austin was 8 weeks old and I was ready to not be at home any more, but man!  Leaving him that first morning was so much harder than I expected.  I was much more emotional at just the thought of having him in daycare than I was with Connor, and maybe it's because Austin is at the same place as Connor, which is more institutional.  Connor went to a home daycare until he was 18 months old and having done both with an infant, I definitely prefer the home daycare.

Life right now is pretty boring.  I leave for work around 7:15, the McHusband drops the boys off at daycare, I pick up the boys around 5:15, rush home to get Austin fed and in bed, go downstairs to clean up bottles and prep the ones for the next day while the McHusband and Connor finish dinner, maybe grab some dinner for myself, the McHusband bathes Connor every other night, we tag-team putting him to bed between 7:30 and 8, I eat if I haven't yet, shower, dry my hair, pump, and go to bed, hopefully turning the lights out before 10:00.  Then I'm up at 5:20 to do it all again the next day.

I'm not sorry to say adios to the fourth trimester.  Those were tough months.  I can't wait to see what kind of person Austin becomes (besides a car guy since that's pretty much a given) and be there to support him as he grows.  I'm particularly looking forward to seeing Connor and Austin together once they can interact a little more evenly.  Right now, it's mostly just Connor rubbing Austin's head or feet.

So there you have it, the past four months wrapped up in one post.  It's probably for the best that I waited to write this up all at once because if I'd tried to do monthly updates, they'd pretty much all be major downers.  Did I mention that I'm not sad to see the newborn stage over and done with?

Friday, February 24, 2017

Connor turned 3!

How do I have a three-year-old?!  I mean, it's not like I'VE aged three years.  Nope, no way, not happening. :)  The past three years have flown by and I now get that phrase The days are long but the years are short.  I'd add "and the nights are fleeting!"  I don't think I can remember what it's like to feel rested, but that's not Connor's fault so much as it is his brother's.  I'm just not sleeping too well most nights these days.  Might as well get used to it, I guess.

The McHusband and I both took the day off so we could celebrate Connor's birthday on the 15th.  I'm sure he would have enjoyed a party with his friends and extended family in attendance, but he plays with his friends every day.  What he doesn't get is his parents' undivided attention in combination with a fun activity and presents.  I knew we made the right decision when, halfway through breakfast and after only getting three helium balloons and a taxi to add to his car collection, Connor looked up from his waffle and said, unprompted and seemingly out of nowhere, "Thank you, Mommy, for my happy birthday."

(BTW, the surgery to repair my burst heart went very well.)

We spent the morning at a bounce place where always-cautious Connor waited until the last five minutes to finally try a slide, but he had a great time with his other options like shooting foam balls across a bounce house, dodging a wrecking ball, and knocking foam balls off the air they were balanced on.


We gave Connor three choices for lunch: a hot dog, Mexican (the kid loves chips and salsa), or pizza.  He chose pizza so we ended up at Blaze Pizza before heading home for a nap.  After his nap, he got his big (literally) present from us: a hand-me-down John Deere riding toy.  He was hesitant at first (remember, he's no daredevil), but he has warmed up to it quite a bit and now asks to ride it most evenings when we get home.  That night, he had a normal dinner and then he blew out his "3" candle and devoured his cupcake.  All in all, a very good day and one I know the McHusband and I will always remember and cherish.

So a little about Connor at age 3.  He's perfect, the end. :)

Okay, Connor for real.  He is smart, sweet, funny and, maybe most importantly, very agreeable.  We rarely have to resort to anything resembling a timeout and even when he does have a toddler moment, he gets over it quickly.  He still watches very little TV but we've branched out to include Doc McStuffins with Mickey Mouse and the Roadster Racers and Chuggington.  As is typical of toddlers, who get on a kick and stay on it until the next obsession pops up, right now (and new this week) Connor just wants to watch Doc McStuffins.  Thanks to Aunt Jenny, Connor now has some Play Doh to play with at home and he's been having fun with it and the trucks that came with it.
Speaking of obsessions...  Connor LOVES vehicles.  He has a fleet of rescue vehicles, some construction trucks, a variety of matchbox cars, and a few of the McHusband's model cars that he's allowed to play with.  He comes by this preference honestly so we aren't at all surprised that he loves just about anything with tires.


The McHusband and Connor went to the Monster Truck show when it was here at the end of January and Connor loved it. More recently, they went to Cars & Coffee, a once-a-month gathering of car enthusiasts in our area, and they saw two Lamborghinis among other cool cars.  He was adequately impressed.  But his favorites?  The garbage truck and police car that WEREN'T part of the show.
A pic that Heather snapped at the car show.



I expect Connor to learn new things at daycare, or school as we call it, but he surprises me sometimes with what he knows.  This past weekend, Connor was playing in my bathroom while I was getting ready and he just said, out of the blue, "Red, blue, and lello are primary colors."  I had to do a quick inventory in my head to make sure he was right as it's been a long time since I had that lesson.

Connor went to the dentist on the 23rd for a check-up/be familiar with the dentist so he isn't scared when they actually clean his teeth appointment, and he did great.  Like I said, he's very agreeable and is generally happy to just go with the flow.  Plus, he got to wear "gunglasses."
So far, Connor is still a good eater who turns his nose up to very little.  Right now, he LOVES bell peppers and raw tomatoes, his favorite condiments are flavorful ones like mustard (even the spicy kind) and salsa, and I don't think he's met a hummus he doesn't like.  Of course, he has a sweet tooth as well and is partial to Cadbury Eggs.  I feel kinda bad getting him hooked on a seasonal treat...

We have Connor's three-year check-up on the 3rd and I don't doubt that he'll be in the upper percentiles for height, weight, and head size.  3T pants at this point are barely long enough when he's standing and definitely too short when he's sitting, but they are also in danger of being too big around the waist.  Thank goodness shorts season is right around the corner!

As I mentioned in my last post, Connor is fully daytime potty-trained and for the most part handles all of that himself.  He is still using a training potty most of the time, but he gets it assembled and can empty it without any assistance from us.  I typically just let him handle things then go behind him to check for any lingering messes, but I think it's important that he feels a sense of accomplishment for taking care of business beginning to end.  Plus, soon enough, I could be otherwise engaged for a lot of his potty breaks so he needs to be somewhat independent in that arena.
Connor's Corner o' Toys
Connor often tells the McHusband and me, "Mommy/Daddy, you my best friend."  He also likes to dole out compliments and if I'm wearing a dress, he'll tell me how much he likes it.  Just the other night he told me how much he liked the flowers on my pj pants.  Connor also understands that he needs to use good manners.  He's really good about "please" and "thank you" and he even has us basically role-play with him where he tells us, "Mommy say 'Please I can have the car?" if he has one and he wants me to ask for it essentially just so he can ask for it back just as nicely.
Okay, I guess it's obvious, but I could go on and on about Connor.  He is a wonderful kid, and the McHusband and I are grateful that he's happy and healthy.  We are definitely trying to soak up these last two months with him as our only child before he becomes a big brother.  Pretty sure I'll need another heart surgery when I see him in that role...

PS  Happy Birthday to the McMom today!  We hope you have a fabulous day!

Friday, February 3, 2017

Two trimesters down, one to go!

So apparently my pregnancy posts this time around are/will be:
1) We're Pregnant!
2) Almost Done Being Pregnant!
3) Not Pregnant Any More!

Versus the every-four-weeks updates I wrote when I was pregnant with Connor. #secondchild
McBaby Number Two showing off his muscles

For the most part, the main difference between this pregnancy and my first at this same point is that I'm bigger.  That's normal for the belly with subsequent pregnancies, but I also started off heavier and have gained more weight.  Ugh.  Contrary to what Hollywood would have you believe, chasing a toddler isn't equal to six days of high intensity cardio at the gym every week, especially when there is a desk job involved for the majority of your waking hours.

I have my glucose test next week so hopefully I pass that with flying colors and don't have to worry about watching my carb intake with an eagle eye during the remaining three months.  It's bad enough giving up wine, but to give up chips, chocolate, and crackers, too?  Oh the sacrifice!

I'm still taking my boot camp and PHX (Power Hour Extreme) classes two to three times a week depending on the McHusband's schedule.  I even ran on the indoor track a couple Saturdays ago.  I'm modifying where I need to (no more crunches, less jumping) but trying to keep it up as long as I can.  I also get in at least two to three walks a week with Monte, which he desperately needs every day and meets the minimum daily requirement for me in general.  There are so many benefits of an active pregnancy for both me and the baby and I try to remind myself of that on nights when I really don't feel like doing anything more than plopping down on the couch.  But if I can just make myself put my tennis shoes on and grab Monte's leash, we both feel much better 20 minutes later.  

A related-to-the-baby aside: Connor transitioned to a twin bed back in December and he did so without any trouble at all.  He was happy as a clam to give up his crib and let us move it across the hall to the baby's room.

An unrelated aside: Connor is potty-trained and has been for several months now.  He only wears a diaper at night and has woken up once dry and several times not very wet.  The McHusband and I are both fine with him staying in diapers overnight for a while, but I think we're both just hoping he'll start having more and more dry diapers and we can go cold turkey on the diapers even if it means doing a sheet change once in a while.
You are lucky I cropped this photo...

Okay, back to McBaby Number Two and his room.  It has a crib in it so technically it's ready for him?  I have plans for the walls - a combo of green paint and white shiplap (Thanks, Joanna!) - and I've bought the paint, I just haven't actually moved forward on any of those plans yet.  Maybe this weekend...  The day I had Connor, I was up and down the ladder putting some finishing touches on his room so if McBaby Number Two's room takes me until his due date or beyond, that's just par for the course.

McBaby Number Two is a wiggle worm and apparently I'm feeling him more than Connor because my placenta is behind him.  With Connor, I felt his hiccups all the time but didn't feel such specific movement like I do with this little guy.  It's cool but also kind of annoying especially when he's just starting to party at 9:30 and I'm trying my best to be fast asleep.

Oh, speaking of sleep!  Luckily I don't wake up to pee all night long, but I do wake up often and almost always between 2 and 3.  Most of the time, I can fall back to sleep fairly easily, but it's no wonder I'm so tired every night; I can't seem to get a long stretch of zzz's to save my life.

To answer some of the questions that were on my posts before:
1) My rings still fit.
2) My belly button is still an innie although it's definitely not as deep as before.
3) Connor and I bought some short-sleeved onesies this weekend since this baby will come in warm weather compared to Connor's February arrival.  Otherwise, I hope to reuse most of Connor's wardrobe.

I know some of you are thinking, "All of this is very interesting and all, but what does Chinese astrology say about McBaby Number Two?!"  You weren't?  Oh.  Well, I bet you're curious now, aren't you? :)  Here's what I found on Mom.me:

"According to Chinese folklore, every animal and element combination has specific traits. Fire rooster babies, for example, will be hardworking and trustworthy, with a strong sense of responsibility. They usually find success in numerous career paths.

"You can expect your child to be better in the field of business, and that's how he will express his creativity," said astrologer Joey Yap. "And that's why people in the olden days predicted that those born in the year of the fire rooster would be wealthy, because they're hardworking and knowledgeable in business. In terms of weaknesses, however, they tend to be blunt and sharp when they speak."

So I guess you could say McBaby Number Two is my retirement plan.

All in all, I'm feeling pretty good and I am grateful for a healthy pregnancy (especially at my advanced maternal age of 37 and 3/4 years old) and a seemingly healthy baby who is a little wiggle worm.  And now, if you'll excuse me, it's closing in on 9:00 and that's my bedtime most nights. #partyanimal

PS  Don't mark your calendars or anything, but I hope to write an update on Connor around his birthday in a couple weeks.  Two posts in one month, what has gotten into me?!






Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Here we go (grow?) again!

Turns out we aren't joining the "One and Done" club, although I'm sure most people probably thought we'd paid for that membership far in advance.  Instead, I think we'll be a part of its sister organization, "Two and Through."  That's right, Connor's going to be a big brother!

In an effort to treat both my kids (Ack, did I just say kids?!) as equally as possible, I'm going to reference my first pregnancy announcement post and answer the same questions.

So was McBaby #2 planned or another accident unexpected blessing?  This one was planned.  We tried for about three months before the stars aligned.  That's how these things work, right?

Did I tell the McHusband in some special way?  You'd think with three months to plan I could come up with something better than handing over a recently-peed-on pregnancy test.  How about having Connor hand it over?  I had gotten groceries from Walmart and in between putting them away and getting picked up by Heather for our Bad Moms movie date (appropriate, right?), I took the test.  When I saw that it was positive, I had just enough time to task Connor with delivering it to the McHusband before I kissed the boys goodbye and flew out the door.

Will we find out the baby’s gender?  We already did!  One advantage to my advanced maternal age (37) is being offered a genetic screening test for three disorders at 10 weeks and in doing so they can tell you the gender.  I had the test on a Friday and it was supposed to take 7 to 10 days to get the results.  I got the phone call Monday afternoon, 6 business days after the test.  It was great to hear that the baby is fine and know so soon what we’re having.  Looks like I will remain the queen of the castle since we’re having another little boy!
The cake I picked up to share the boy news with the McHusband.
On that note, I actually thought it was going to be a girl.  Unlike when I was pregnant with Connor, I had a few weeks when I just didn’t feel that great.  One afternoon while eating my salad with grilled chicken on it, I thought I was going to puke.  It took a lot of effort to get the bite down and even now several weeks later, grilled chicken does not appeal to me.  Fried chicken in the form of a Chick-Fil-A spicy chicken sandwich however?  I could eat three a day.  So solely based on that difference between the pregnancies, I was thinking girl.  And yeah, hoping a little, too.

Other than the occasional bouts of nausea, my main symptom was being tired, but I remembered that from the first time around.  I have done my best to keep up with the workouts I was already doing and only missed one boot camp because of feeling bad.  I remember some more-than-normal fatigue lasting on and off through about 15 weeks so hopefully I don't have to worry about that symptom much longer, if at all.

I’m starting off this pregnancy heavier (about 15 pounds) than my first so I know I need to watch the weight gain for the duration.  I will need to take off what I put on PLUS the extra weight I was already carrying.  I’m hoping breastfeeding will help a lot with that like it did the first time around, but I had supply issues and stopped breastfeeding when Connor was about four months old.  We’ll see how things go this time around.  I’ll be happy if I make it to four months again, thrilled to reach six months, and ecstatic with any number of weeks after that, both for me and for the baby.
12 weeks pregnant - and looking it!
How pregnant AM I anyway?  I am just shy of 13 weeks and hope this baby doesn’t come early as he is due on April 28th.  I’d hate to have to share my birthday (April 24th).  I got lucky and Connor came a day after his Valentine’s Day due date so let’s hope this baby arrives on or after his due date.

I had a check-up yesterday and everything sounded good.  No ultrasound since we did that genetic testing, but I heard the heartbeat.  And found out I need to lay off the snacks and up the exercise.  :( #stupidscalerealitycheck

We are excited (and, yeah, a little nervous) about being a family of four but are happy that we can give Connor a sibling.  I have two sisters, the McHusband has a brother, and while all those relationships had their ups and downs growing up, I know we both consider ourselves to be very lucky to have our siblings now.  We wouldn’t be the people we are now without them, and we truly appreciate them and consider them friends.
I don’t how regular a blogger I’ll be, but I do hope to check in at regular intervals so I can document this pregnancy like I did my first.  I have enjoyed going back and reading about what was happening and how I was feeling so I don’t want to miss out on that the second (and last!) time around.

Friday, August 5, 2016

Connor's first beach trip


Wow, long time no write, huh?  I want to tell you guys about our lives, from goodies I bake to Connor’s latest achievements (counting to 10!) to the McHusband’s most recent new-to-him car. 
Another Magnum.  Anyone wanna buy an Acura?
But I find myself lacking the mental energy to be productive after 8:00 at night.  I just want to veg with a TV show and a little internet surfing before my 9:30 bedtime.  I wish I were more motivated to post something at least once a week, but I just can’t force myself to do that.



But let’s not focus on how much I’m NOT writing and instead be glad there’s this post to read.  With pictures and everything!



Connor and I went to the beach this past weekend.  We met up with my sisters, Bri and Shannon, and their kids (Lyla, Owen, Olivia, and Maxie).  Sorry, no hubbies/boyfriends allowed this time.  Bri’s husband’s family has a little house in Surfside Beach, near Myrtle, so we crammed ourselves and all our stuff in there and it worked out great.  Unless you were Owen and Olivia sleeping on the sunporch with only the fans cooling you off.  Then you might not agree that “great” is the right word to use…



I worked a half-day on Thursday, picked Connor up from school, loaded the last few things I needed into the car, and we hit the road.  Connor fell asleep pretty quickly, which I had counted on, and we had a very pleasant 3.5-hour drive.  He almost always does great on long car rides.  I give him snacks, talk to him, and also just let him look out the windows and take in the world around him and respond to his questions and comments.  At one point, he was telling me about Mickey Mouse driving a muddy car and how he, Connor, needed to clean it.  I love seeing him using his imagination.



We arrived before Shannon, and Lyla and Maxie were waiting for us.  They were more than happy to help unload Connor’s toys.
Oh, you thought I meant carry them in from the car?


That evening we had a pasta dinner and then went on a walk.  We had seen turtles in the pond behind the house earlier, then on the way back to the house we saw swans.


We were all up bright and early Friday morning so once everyone was fed, it was time to slap on the sunscreen and head to the beach.  The house is about a five-minute drive from the beach and with it being both early and a weekday, we didn’t have any problems finding parking.  We played in the surf and sand for about 3 hours before wrapping it up, mostly at my request so that Connor could go back for a nap.  But we crammed a lot of fun (and a few snacks, of course) into that timeframe.  Connor is a big fan of the beach!
 



Sister Selfie


Snacks on the Beach
After Connor’s nap, the kids played with Connor's school bus, the souvenir that the McHusband brought back after HIS beach trip the weekend before.  I love how well all the kids (usually) play together and how they include Connor.
Once the novelty of the bus wore out, it was time for a rousing game of Hide & Go Seek.  Bri, Shannon, and I had fun finding good hiding places for the kids so it was a game for all ages.  We had pizza for dinner and then the kids watched a movie.  Well, the kids and Bri and Shannon.  I may have dozed off for a few minutes…  Hey, it’s hard work playing in the surf with a toddler! #pluswine
Sleeping Beauty
Saturday was our long beach day.  We met up with my cousin Cody, who moved to Myrtle from PA in February, for an early lunch to beat the crowds and then spent the rest of the afternoon at the beach.  Connor did amazing out there considering the early start to the day (seriously, these kids don’t understand that vacations are for sleeping in) and the lack of a nap.  He only fussed at the very end when it was time to go and he didn’t want to leave, but I think he was tired enough that he didn’t really have the energy to fight me too hard about leaving.  I strapped him in his carseat and I think he was asleep before I’d even backed the car all the way out. 
Sleeping Cutie
He slept hard for about 30 minutes while we made pit stops at the grocery store and gas station, and then I drove around for another 10 minutes or so to allow him to get enough zzz’s to get him through, happily, til bedtime.  He woke up a tad grumpy but once he was bathed and with the other kids – or his friends, as he called them – he was good to go.  The kids chilled a little with electronics and TV, and then more Hide & Go Seek with Cody’s help was on the docket.  We ate Crockpot Salsa Chicken tacos and rice for dinner and just hung out at the house.


Once the kids were down, the big kids had more fun visiting and we stayed up much too late. 
I think I finally got into bed at 1:30 and Connor, who had slept just fine the past two nights, woke up at 4:00.  I did something I’ve never done before and do NOT plan to make a habit of: I pulled him onto the bed with me.  My reasoning was this: I was driving us home the next day and wanted to get as much sleep as I could to ensure safe travels. #momlogic



Speaking of the drive home…  Once again, Connor was a perfect passenger.  It helped that he actually slept for an hour and a half.  See?  I wasn’t the only one tired from vacation.  We left around 10:30 and he was asleep just before 11:00.  He normally won’t go down for his nap until between 12:30 and 1:30 so he was definitely needing to catch up a little.  Wish I could’ve joined him…



All in all, we had a fabulous time, and I’m so glad it worked out for us to spend that quality time together.  I’m especially happy that Connor got to be with his “friends,” a.k.a. cousins. He’s old enough now to really remember them so every visit matters for more than just the obvious reasons.