McWife + Gun + Crazy Lady

Let me tell you a little story about a scared McWife, a gun, and a crazy lady.

Last night, the McHusband hung out with some of the work crew. He called at 9:45 to say that they were going to see The Hangover (which we've already seen but the McH wanted to see again) at 10:00 so he'd be home after I was asleep.

I'm reading a really good book right now so I was in bed, up later than usual reading. I heard a strange noise. I thought it was Tucker and another escape attempt so I listened at the bedroom door. I heard it again so I opened the door.

The noise is coming from downstairs! It sounds like a garbage bag is being shaken open and then messed with as if someone's filling it up.

OMG, someone's in the house!

I quickly close and lock our bedroom door, put my pajama pants on (I didn't even wear a bathing suit at the reunion, you think I want to be seen by the burglar or, worse, the police in just a t-shirt?), grab the gun and my cell phone, and lock myself in our bathroom.

Okay, two locked doors between me and the burglar. Surely I won't actually have to use the gun. Please don't let me have to use the gun.

I don't know why, but I called the McHusband. Like he could help me from the movie theater where he wasn't even supposed to hear the phone ring.

I hear dance music. That's MY ring! The McHusband's home! He's the burglar. I unlock the doors and rush out to find him standing outside our bedroom door wondering why it's locked. I told him what had happened and he apologized for scaring me.

He said he didn't want to call since he figured I might've gone to bed early without him to keep me up, but the movie wasn't showing because the new Harry Potter movie was opening last night.

Harry Potter will never be the same for me again.

Oh, all the noise I heard from downstairs? The McHusband had gotten a package yesterday so he was opening that up, and I guess there was a lot of packing stuff so that's what I heard.

Delivered car parts will never be the same either.

So that was midnightish last night. This morning, I go to work as usual (cuz, you know, we weren't up all night with a break-in and the cops). I pull into my parking space and put up my sunshade then notice a car to my left that's parked but not in a spot, just kinda pulled near. A lady is getting out just as I am. We get a lot of people who are lost at our building so I figured she saw me in the parking lot and wanted to ask me about an address.

Crazy lady: "You bumped me at the light. I didn't want to stop there and hold up traffic so I came over here when I saw you pull in."

Me: "I bumped you? Are you sure? I'm a pretty cautious driver (and I have a crazy car-loving hubby who'd be pretty upset if I bumped someone for no good reason so I try to avoid doing that stuff), I can't believe I wouldn't notice that."

She proceeded to examine my front bumper then showed me her back bumper where there was a tiny blemish where the paint had been disturbed.

Crazy lady: "We just bought this car and I KNOW I would've noticed if this had been here."

Me: "Sometimes if I don't have my foot on the brake really good, my car will jerk a little and it'll feel like I've been bumped forward. Are you sure something like that didn't happen?"

Of course, that doesn't explain the mark on her bumper, but that's not my problem.

There's not a mark on my car and if I'd hit her hard enough for her to feel it and leave a mark on her bumper, surely my car would show some kind of scar as well.

She was nice enough for the situation and I tried to be as well considering what I was being accused of. She basically said I was guilty of a hit-and-run. Are you kidding me?

I guess she works at a building near mine so I need to keep an eye out for her to be driving around. Who knows what she'll come up with next.

Let's hope nothing else "exciting" happens to me today.